I Am A Mother, And For A Moment, I Feel Alone

Being a mother is a privilege, it is like having your heart outside your body. We adore our baby above all else, yet at times, you sure can’t help but feel lonely. Because parenting during the first years occupies us 24 hours a day and is not always easy, hence the doubts, loneliness …

If this feeling is known to you, you should know that you are not the only one. Nor should we think that these thoughts or this specific discomfort is a direct symptom of depression.

In reality, it is a completely normal psychological process and associated with that mutual dependence that we establish during the first months with babies.

Each woman carries her upbringing in a way. There are those who, indeed, live motherhood alone because they have chosen to do so. Others face long hours alone while their partners go to work. Having the family far away and the friends with their own responsibilities often makes the mother feel lonely and isolated on her private island.

We invite you to delve into this well-known topic: the feeling of loneliness in parenting.

When i’m lonely with my baby

Just a few months ago, the magazine on parenting and motherhood “Mamma Mía” published an interesting article that related the personal case of an Australian mother who had commented on her social networks that she had left her 10-month-old girl alone for seven minutes to go to buy.

The controversy was very intense for several days. However, and beyond the risk of leaving our children alone even for only 5 minutes, in reality another more subtle, more delicate and not always highlighted problem transcended: that of loneliness, that of total and absolute dependence that moms have with their children during the first years.

The double complexity of motherhood

In our society it is very common to see motherhood as the most fulfilling and satisfying time for a woman, and without a doubt, for most women it is. However, let’s refine the data a little more: it is satisfying but it is not always easy, and  that happiness is not at the same level every day of the year or 24 hours a day.

• Motherhood forces us in the first place, to change roles. It makes a woman stop being her own priority to shift all her energy and emotional world to the newborn.

• Sometimes, all that affective and psychic investment brings as a consequence the appearance of doubts and fears.  “Am I doing it right? Will he be comfortable, will something hurt? “

• This dependency is established many times throughout the day in an interrupted way and over several months – or even years.

• Their job aspirations are parked, the way of relating to their friends is no longer the same, and even sometimes, that freer intimacy that we had with our partners changes a bit. We are fathers and mothers and now, the priorities are different.

• The suffocated mom is not a depressed or desperate mom. They are normal situations that tend to be experienced especially with the first child.

Therefore, and to better manage this sensation and to avoid above all that it occurs with a real situation of stress or anxiety, You need to make small changes and deal with the situation.

Distribute responsibilities and have a support network

There is one aspect that we must be clear about: being a mother does not mean building walls around us to continue feeding that invisible umbilical cord with our children in solitude.

We have to understand that if we are not well, we will project that same discomfort to the baby. For upbringing to be of quality, happy and satisfactory, responsibilities must be shared, because the father also fulfills a fundamental position, and even our relatives are invaluable pieces of help on a day-to-day basis.

Take note of these simple tips that are worth keeping in mind.

Go out for a walk, don’t spend all day at home

Our schedule is established during the first months based on breastfeeding, feedings, naps and the regular needs of the baby.

Although we know that following proper routines and habits is a priority in parenting, it is necessary and healthy that we establish outings in the open air, walks, “little sun baths” and that essential social contact for our well-being and for that the baby begins to have new stimuli.

The need for a support network

Whether you are a single parent family or if you have a partner, you need a support network on a day-to-day basis. Spreading responsibilities is always appropriate and necessary.

Likewise, the fact of having friends who are also mothers, for example, is something wonderful to feel support, to alleviate doubts, relieve tension and turn off those specific fears that may arise.

Playful activities with our baby

As our baby grows, it is possible to carry out fun activities with him that will allow him to mature more optimally, and we also strengthen ties with them.

• There are centers where we can, for example, do yoga with our babies. 

• Midwifery is also a fun activity where you can share experiences with other parents and also improve the psychomotor skills of the little ones.

As you can see, It is only a matter of understanding that to enjoy our motherhood, we also need the contact of our friends, the support of our partners and that facilitating environment from which we learn every day in the company of our children.

It is an adventure that is worth it, and although feeling lonely at times is normal, there are many options with which to defend yourself against this feeling.