Are You A Toxic Mother?
In our society there are many toxic mothers. Do you consider yourself a toxic mother? Find out in this article if you have the characteristics.
The toxic mother is a woman who has come to motherhood by conventions, because that is how her life script was designed, because that is what was expected of her.
Are you a toxic mother?
The behaviors of toxic mothers are simply due to certain personality traits.
Normally they are women so dominant and strong that they need to keep everything under control, from people who think that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness and prefer to mark emotional distances. They are also overly self-centered narcissistic mothers.
In any case, at the base of these educational styles there is almost always great insecurity since these behaviors are a way to reaffirm and gain security.
Traits of the toxic mother
Toxic mothers are those who have a negative view of the world, are usually destructive, too controlling or overprotective and do not help their children’s personal growth.
They are overly controlling
Usually the toxic mother is a person with the need to control every aspect of her life. In the same way, he tries to control all areas of his son’s life.
Exercising this control is her way of expressing love and affection for others, therefore she sees it as something positive and necessary in her relationship with her child.
You may even get angry if your child decides to make a different decision than the one indicated by her.
They use manipulation to achieve their goals
When children try to be independent, these mothers often take offense and express that they feel rejected.
With this they get the son, faced with the possibility of hurting his mother, to change his behavior or to do it secretly so as not to make her suffer.
In this way, in many cases, children do things they do not want, accumulating a resentment to make these decisions, since they use emotional blackmail to achieve their purposes.
They seek to be the center of attention at all times
It may happen that the toxic mother expresses a double found wish.
On the one hand, she wants her son to succeed in what he does and achieve many achievements, but on the other, she does not want him to surpass her under any circumstances.
On the one hand they are expressing to him that he has to succeed in life and pursue his goals, but on the other that they cannot overcome it because then they would cease to be the center of attention.
At other times, she can use different diseases and conditions so that the children are always aware of her.
It is common in these cases, that they use manipulation to get them to do what they consider correct using arguments.
They are overly authoritarian
Everything must be done according to their criteria and they do not admit that the children have other opinions or choose other alternatives.
It is also common for them to give their opinion on everything related to the couple when the son finds her.
This tends to cause confrontations if the child begins to disengage from the relationship, and show greater independence.
How not to be a toxic mother
You have to realize if you are capable of change.
You have to try to change the way you relate to your child, so that you get more self-control, improve social skills and have better assertive communication, rather than aggressive.
Always remember that you should not forget these little tips:
- You are his mother, not his friend
- You are his mother, not his daughter
- Don’t compete with your daughter
- You don’t have to be in control of everything
- Don’t use emotional blackmail
- Listen, don’t just hear
- Be more flexible
- Learn to laugh
- Use self-criticism
The result of all this will be that you will enjoy life more and the people in your family and social environment will get closer to you.
Thus, you will have gone from being a toxic mother to a more loving mother who makes life pleasant for others, starting in an internal process of continuous change.
