Are You Letting Go Of Your Authority As A Parent?
Are you letting go of your authority as a parent? Have you noticed that your children seem to have more control in your home than you? Don’t feel embarrassed, discouraged, or lost. The reality is that this is an increasingly common situation.
The first thing you should do is understand that as they grow up, your children will form their opinions and take on a certain role of authority at home. That is natural and healthy as long as it is gradual and responsible. It is not a problem that your child makes decisions according to his age and maturity.
It is common to find that older siblings tend to acquire certain responsibilities and authority roles vis-à-vis the younger ones. In this case, it is a way in which they learn values and improve their self-esteem. However, if your children take control with negative behaviors there is a problem that must be solved as soon as possible.
At what point is there a problem with your authority as a parent?
Sometimes it is very difficult to see that you are letting go of your authority as a parent if you work or spend a lot of time away. This should never be a pretext for your children to overlook such important things as house rules.
To detect if your authority is being lost it is necessary that you analyze the behavior of your children. For this, it is necessary that you answer the following questions in the most honest way possible:
- Do your children follow the house rules? If it has been agreed that they should sleep at 8:00 pm, do they really do so?
- When you impose a punishment, is it carried out?
- Does one of your children seem to bully the rest?
- Are you afraid of your children’s tantrums?
These are four very basic questions that will allow you to assess your authority as a parent. It is very important that you answer yourself honestly because if you don’t, you will be self-sabotaging and you will not be doing any favors to your family, or to you as a father or mother.
What to do when you are letting go of your authority as a parent?
Now that you have seen that the problem exists, it is time to get to work to remedy it. Here we leave you our suggestions so that this problem does not become a greater evil for your family. Remember that without good authority, your children will grow up in rebellion, tyranny and with great insecurity in themselves and in their environment.
Take back control of your most problematic child’s behavior
By identifying how you are letting go of your authority as a safe parent, you will find that one of your children is the one leading the problem. Therefore, the first step is to regain your authority as the leader since the little ones will follow.
It is important to stop making excuses for their behavior. If he acts by breaking the house rules, you should avoid justifying it or falling into the mistake of blaming yourself. Instead talk to him, explain that his attitude is wrong and the reasons why he should improve his behavior. If this doesn’t work, think about applying consequences to their behavior according to the mistake made.
Avoid over-negotiating
The moment you talk to your child about the wrong behavior, he will want to regain control. At first he may be angry and rebellious, then he will try to negotiate and convince you. Try not to forget that by accepting too many negotiations you are sending the wrong message. He will believe that he is still in control if he gets what he wants or if it makes you lose your patience.
When he begins negotiations, calmly end them. You can use phrases similar to: “ The decision has been made by mom and dad and there will be no changes until your behavior improves ” . In this way you can understand that it is you who is in control of the situation and not him / her.
Appeal to the maturity of your children to obtain good results
Since you are aware that you are letting go of your authority as a parent, you can take advantage of your child’s desire to lead. It will be easier for your child to obey if you guide the changes through a set of challenges.
This will keep your children motivated and you will have the easy path. You don’t need to give physical prizes like a new video game or more permissions. Acts such as sincere congratulations and recognition can give excellent results. You can change phrases like: “if you don’t make sure you’re asleep by 8:00 pm you will be punished” by “do you think you can be ready for bed at 8:00 pm?
Remember to be present with your authority as a parent
Although many times it may seem that your children are responsible and mature enough to take care of themselves, you must not forget that they need you. Your children need to know that you are their support and that you are there at all times.
In this sense, do not forget that your authority will mark the path that your family takes and also the behavior of your children. Think about how you want your children to feel about you and work accordingly, so that your children know that you will always be by their side.
