Avoidant Attachment In Children And Its Characteristics

When children feel that communicating their emotional needs to their parents or people with whom they have strong bonds has no effect, avoidant attachment arises in them. Why is this happening?

Avoidant attachment in children can be defined as a suppression of emotions by the infant, who considers that he does not receive the attention or the expected response from his parents or the figures in charge of his care. From there, they maintain a position of self-reliance and independence regarding the need for attention or external ties, including love.

Feelings of attachment are present in children, adults and also in other species of mammals. This condition allows, among other things, to consolidate a feeling of security and stability almost as an instinct for survival; It is also essential for creating social bonds.

Avoidant attachment in children and its characteristics

Traits of children with avoidant attachment

According to the theories of avoidant attachment developed by Mary Ainsworth, the creation of bonds of love and dependence are formed in individuals from an early age and are healthy for humans, understanding that we are social beings.

However, when a child perceives that the people closest to him, be it his parents or those in charge of his care, do not respond positively to his expectations of attention or are constantly rejected, a feeling of independence arises in them that it prompts you to suppress your desire to ask for help or to request protection or affection.

Children learn at an early age that their relationships with protective figures are frustrating. So  literally they take an attitude of not being affected n i positively or negatively by the presence, absence or help from their parents.

In some cases of the research carried out by Ainsworth, for example, children avoided crying to ask for food or a particular help, just to avoid being rejected by their parents and being able to stay close to them in the same room.

Another very marked trait of children with avoidant attachment is that they open up and are more receptive to communicating and bonding with people outside their closest nucleus;  therefore, they are friendly with strangers.

Symptoms of avoidant attachment in children

Children with avoidant attachment show certain attitudes in their behavior that allow them to be identified.  Some of these expressions are:

• They are isolated and tend not to give many expressions of affection.
• They can be hostile to their classmates or the people around them.
• Children with avoidant attachment are the ones who apply bullying the most to their peers.
• They feel uncomfortable with physical contact, understand it as hugs or kisses.
• They dislike their teachers.
• They have frequent tantrums.
• They can show high self-esteem, which goes hand in hand with a feeling that others are inferior to them.

Treatments to eradicate avoidant attachment in children

It is important to identify if a child has developed avoidant attachment, since generally people who suffer from this condition have serious difficulties in bonding when they are adults. Even more damaging is the fact that if they have children, they can foster the same kind of attachment in them.

Therapies to eradicate this type of attachment focus on trying to get as close as possible to the origin of the experiences that caused them the need to suppress their feelings. Then, it seeks to help them recognize why those events happened and to encourage them to alleviate their sadness about the event.

After the causes are identified, it is a question of inducing the child in exercises in which he can feel comfortable being vulnerable, or that he is able to trust other people without having a predisposition to rejection or failure.

The psychologist treating the avoidant attachment child will also work extensively on lowering his anxiety levels.  These can be conscious or unconscious and they keep you in constant alert and tension about the bonds and interactions with others.

Avoidant attachment is a condition that brings many frustrations in social interaction, since children who carry this disorder will hardly be able to get rid of its effects and transfer them to adult life.

If you identify one or more of these traits in your child, do not hesitate to document more about the case and go promptly to a consultation with a professional.