How Can Assertiveness Help You Postpartum?
The arrival of a newborn involves enormous physical and psychological changes for the mother. In this very vulnerable period, it is especially necessary to be able to set limits and ask for help. Therefore, although it is always important, assertiveness in the postpartum can become your best ally.
As a human being, as a woman and now as a mother, you have every right to express what you feel and want. However, many times this is difficult for us for fear of appearing unpleasant or selfish. However, the birth of your baby and the months that follow will be a challenge on many levels, so you must make the decision to put your needs above the opinions of others.
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a social skill consisting of being able to defend our rights without stepping on those of others. It includes a wide variety of aspects that lead to harmonious and balanced communication:
- Communicate frankly, clearly and directly.
- Express our wishes, opinions and feelings.
- Defend our rights and needs.
- Knowing how to make requests and accept or decline those that are made to us.
- Accept praise and handle criticism.
- Do all of the above without fear of being judged or rejected.
- Do not violate the rights of others or disrespect them with our communication.
This is not always easy to implement. A good level of self-esteem makes it easier for us to be able to communicate assertively. But even so, there is some social pressure, especially directed at women, to be friendly, kind and helpful.
Many times, assertive behaviors are not well received, and are even branded as selfish. However, let us remember that our first duty is to ourselves and that it is not appropriate to ignore our needs to please other people.
Assertiveness in the postpartum
The arrival of a child is a period of great stress and vulnerability for women. Tiredness and hormonal changes add to the fear of facing this new stage. It is a very demanding time both physically and mentally, but sometimes the people around you do not help to lighten the load.
It is very common that family, friends and relatives are not aware of the status and needs of the new mother. The illusion for the new member of the family and the desire to collaborate can lead them to engage in behaviors that are intrusive to the woman. Right now, what she probably needs is rest and intimacy with her nuclear family.
The constant visits to home or to the hospital room, so many people giving opinions and giving advice, can become overwhelming. However, by not appearing rude, the mother often feels self-conscious about expressing what she truly wants and needs. Likewise, you may feel shy when asking for help with the baby, which leads to tremendous wear and tear as you deal with everything practically exclusively.
How to apply assertiveness postpartum?
- To the hospital (and home) whoever you want will visit you and the time that you decide. Don’t be afraid to deny yourself, put it off, or ask them to leave. You have to respect your needs and they have to understand it.
- Make it very clear that you have to rest. If you have doubts, remember that these people are not going to get up in the middle of the night to take care of your baby.
- You don’t have to do it all alone. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, and telling your partner to fulfill their obligation doesn’t make you authoritarian.
- Remember that you are the mother of your baby and you decide how to take care of it. You choose whether to breastfeed or bottle, if to co-sleep or sleep separately, if you prefer ergonomic backpack or stroller. Do not accept orders from others, do not be afraid to stand up if someone is being too intrusive. If you need advice, you will ask for it or go to a doctor.
In short, if the time of your baby’s birth is near, prepare to give yourself your place without fear. Forget the objections and social conventions, because now you and your son are what matters most. Record in your mind what your rights are and do not be afraid to assertively defend them whenever necessary. Let nothing tarnish this precious stage.
