When Can I Tell My Child That He Is Adopted?
The decision to adopt a child is very complex, because it requires analyzing a series of aspects that in most cases end up convincing us otherwise.
At first the doubts are directed towards the origin of the child, the age at which we wish to adopt him or the legal and family implications in this regard; But after having adopted, the questions are different: When to tell him that he is adopted? I must do it? How will you take it?
The fears that this topic arouses are understandable, although it is a very beautiful intention, there are still many prejudices about it. Being able to handle this situation without being questioned and judged is key to being successful, but there is no manual to proceed in these cases.
Everyone is free to decide how to solve the questions that arise over time, it is the parents’ personal decision whether to tell their child about the adoption and when to do it. It is common for families to decide to hide the secret of the adoption, but specialists do not advise that this be the case, since telling the truth is key to achieving the trust that every family group should provide.
Is there a good time to tell you that you are adopted?
Experts advise that we do not wait for him to reach adolescence without knowing it ; However, it is clear that when they are very young they will not understand what the matter is about in the first instance.
When children old enough to understand have been adopted, things in this sense can be simpler; however, there are those who decide to act in breach of the truth.
It is not advisable to deceive children in any way, as we undermine the trust they will develop towards us. Sometimes an attempt is made to manipulate the truth, denying the paternal relationship but falsifying a blood connection, such as saying that we are uncles or godparents; This is just as risky as lying saying that we are his biological parents.
Depending on the characteristics of the adoption, the tools to tell the truth have been given by the same process; Let us remember that coexistence will generate spaces to touch on the subject that interests us. Perhaps it will not be necessary to plan the special moment to reveal the truth, but the topic will emerge in any conversation that seems insignificant.
The intellectual development of the child, social and family relationships condition their learning, it is possible that he begins to ask about his own existence when he arrives at school and they touch the subject. However, he may also do so much earlier, for example when he met his newborn cousin or went to visit his grandparents; these kinds of connections will lead you to wonder about yourself.
Although they seem like the most feared questions, as adoptive parents we should be looking forward to them, as they will start the process to tell them the truth in a natural and as less traumatic way as possible. We may not feel ready from the beginning, but we must bear in mind that the truth is the key to the good relationship we want to maintain.
If we think you are not old enough, but are interested in the subject, we can start to tell you ; This will allow that when it is older, it has certain information to process. In this way, perhaps the information is floating in his mind and he himself can provide the moment to clarify the whole matter.
It is also not advised that we insist on talking about it if he does not want to, because we must understand his discomfort. Let’s wait until you ask again and are clearly interested in having your doubts clarified; In any case, if you want to know more about its origin, it is something that we cannot deny.
Consequently, the main recommendation is to be aware that the moment will come, so we can plan how to say it. The most important thing in these cases is that that day comes surrounded by love, that the child is surprised by how much he is loved despite being adopted, instead of asking because he has not felt comfortable.
