Why Does Jealousy Arise Between Brothers?

To the little and only king the house, the one who was proudly everywhere talking, doing and undoing left and right, suddenly the world is cracking: A baby has come home! Feel jealous … and you know what? It is normal…

Jealousy is an affective state that in children is characterized by the fear of losing or seeing reduced the affection of their parents, due to the birth of a new brother to whom their mother will have to dedicate a lot of time during the first months of her life. lifetime.

With the arrival of a new member of the family, psychology experts argue, feelings of jealousy occur naturally in the newborn baby’s older brother. And this feeling is part of a normal and necessary stage in their evolutionary development, which helps them mature.

So calm down, feeling jealous is a natural reaction of the oldest child to the youngest. And it is likely that your child from time to time thinks: “This one who neither walks nor talks has my parents and my grandparents enchanted.” It is even likely that he will do cute things to get attention, all this is normal, it is just that your baby feels jealous; he is a victim of the dethroned prince syndrome who is doing his thing.

Jealousy is a natural reaction

Jealousy arises in children regardless of age, so we must prepare children for the arrival of the baby, especially fostering their self-esteem and making them a participant in everything related to the arrival of the new member of the family. We must act with affection, but firmly and without losing sight of their educational criteria.

During this stage of jealousy, continue to dedicate the same time to your eldest child that you offered before the baby’s arrival, offer him the same affection that you showed him and above all be patient because those feelings end up disappearing.

Try to see the situation from the perspective of your child, who after the initial joy of finally seeing his baby brother, may be a bit disappointed in the experience of having a newborn at home. After all, he is a person who does not speak to them, does not play with them and does not even smile at them.

Now that the baby is at home, it is also very likely that your first child will begin to see without much pleasure the amount of attention that this little one needs and of course it is not easy for them to share, like that, suddenly, the attention and affection that before his father and mother gave him only. Those two reasons are enough to get “upset” from time to time with the new little brother and that jealousy begins to arise.

Help your child overcome jealousy

It is very difficult to stop being the sun to be another star in the universe of the family home, and it is very likely that your child feels that that, that he is no longer the sun but simply another star, but there are some guidelines that we must have Keep in mind to minimize the effects of jealousy in older children due to the arrival of a new member of the family:

• Mentalize him. It is recommended that a few months before the baby is born we fertilize the land and prepare the older brother for the birth of his baby brother. It is also not recommended to do it too early so that it does not become too long. Towards the second trimester of pregnancy, it is good to talk to them about the changes that are going to take place, but it should be done in a language that they understand and without saturating them with too much information. Ideally, they understand the positives of having a new brother or sister.

• Anticipate changes. If room changes are required, it is best to do them before the baby is born. Thus, we will prevent our child from thinking that the arrival of the baby is displacing him and taking him out of his place.
• Maintain your routine. When the delivery is approaching, we should not change the child’s daily routines such as eating, cleaning and sleeping time, try to maintain them even if they must go to the grandparents ‘or other relatives’ house. Whenever possible, it is preferable that you spend this time at home, surrounded by your toys and everything that gives you security.
• Avoid other changes temporarily. It is not advisable to combine the crisis of the arrival of a sibling with other important changes, such as entering kindergarten or a change of address.
• Make an effort to pay attention to it. Try to keep spending quality time with your other child. Explain that when a baby is born, at first the routine of daily life changes a little, it is more hectic, but then everything will return to normal.

To avoid sowing seeds of jealousy among siblings, they must be especially respectful when talking about their children. It is sad to hear a father speak ill of his children or compare them from a young age. But the reality is that, without realizing it, many do it very frequently.

Avoid unnecessary comments such as: “This baby can be seen to be very nice, the older one has always been more serious.” Your opinion affects the self-concept that your child is doing, and with this type of comment he can deduce that you think that the baby is “more nice” than him and that, naturally, makes him jealous.

To promote a good relationship between siblings, try to involve your older child in the youngest’s daily activities, such as bathing, eating, or changing time. Ask him to help you or to accompany you to take care of the baby, so he will get used to his new brother and will understand what happens at home. If the child is not interested, it is better to give him his space and not force him, but at least he will not feel left out or isolated.

With the arrival of a new baby brother, the greatest fear of older children is losing the affection of their parents and that is where jealousy comes from. The key is that you succeed in showing them that you love them all equally and that this fear is unfounded.

The way parents handle jealousy towards their new baby brother is key to helping the sibling relationship get off to a good start.